from now on my penis is your penis
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The air was thick with penises
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
