I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
