We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
