hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
