Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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