Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
