WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
