Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
