The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
