New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
