Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
