idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
