Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
