Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
