im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
