remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
