She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
