Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I am midnight drunk by noon
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
