The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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