He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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