if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
