I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
