At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
