I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
