is your mom at the bar?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
