Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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