Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
