she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Sober January is a disaster.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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