I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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