i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
