Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
