UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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