Can i not drive my cunt home
Where is the hickey?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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