was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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