I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
