Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
