he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
