his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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