If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
