The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
