found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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