You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
