I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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