I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
