I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
