She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
