Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
