Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
