What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
