Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
