if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
