I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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