and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
