I hope mine doesn't look like that
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
