I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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