I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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