He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
