please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
