the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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