He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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