1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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