i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
